GOOD PARENTING AND DEVELOPMENT OF FAMILY VALUES FOR A DRUG FREE SOCIETY.

GOOD PARENTING AND DEVELOPMENT OF

FAMILY VALUES FOR A DRUG FREE SOCIETY.

Our immediate Challenge

This Essay is written by Aguiyi Henry, as part of his own contribution towards

Building drug free homes and a better society

Good morning ladies and gentlemen

The main idea behind this very essay is to create the needed awareness on good parenting,

and how best we can develop the core family values for a drug free society.

The topic emerged from our discussions here in this very forum, while we were considering the

Roles of parent in building a drug free society.

Before driving you further with my very ideas on parenting and family values I will like to share

a certain insight with you all, for a few days now, I have being making some serious

observations, deeply examining the combatant movement of some soldier ants with their

Leader passing through my door way and retiring into a particular hole with all their goods with

a well controlled chained locomotion, there and then, I decided to trouble them by blocking

Their entering hole with a more heavy object and even kill some of the ants, just to distract and

divert their movement and action from their original track and objectives

Behold the next morning, I saw the very object being moved out from the hole and all the

surviving ants still performing their duties and activities as usual under the control of their

a leader, then I said to myself, here are ordinary soldier ants performing their duties as their

own core value, taking away the barriers and obstacle of time, working and functioning as if

nothing happened, still determined to complete their supposed task with high sense that none

of them are indispensible in their great task ahead.

Today this very unique action of the soldier ants has raise in me a high moral consciousness to

Strongly believe that with good parenting infused with core family values, we can all build a

Better drug free society through active learning, information sharing and teamwork.

My question here is what is parenting ……….?

According Oxford English dictionary parenting is a process of caring for your child or children.

Parenting from the general view is the act of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional

social and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood.

Although the most common caretaker in parenting are always the biological parent of the child

in question then follows the older sibling, grandparents, a legal guardian, aunt, uncle or other

Family member and family friends.

Generally, the society, everybody both the government law enforcement agencies has a major

role to play in child rearing in order for us all to build a peaceful drug frees society with core

Values.

Every family should have a set of rules that will guides their behavior, rules that will help them

to make decisions and do what is right and avoid what is wrong, these rules are called values. A

Common trait of healthy families is the preponderance of shared values. Having shared values

does not suggest that everyone in a family agrees on everything. It implies that family goals and

values are clearly understands by all concerned.

Normally, healthy families hold on to values such are universally accepted. They possess basic

Human ethics that make it possible for people to live harmoniously in mutual respect, peace,

serenity and tranquility.

Many times, we display our values without really being conscious of it or making it obvious to

the other party. The way we use our time, the way we spend our money, the way we relate to

others, the way we run our family values are all dependent on what we hold as important or

unimportant, what is right or wrong and what is negotiable. It is important for every member of

the family to know this. School and society are to nurture the children in accordance with the

established ethics and values.

Healthy children development is crucial for a child to become a well-adapted and productive

member of society. Yet, an unacceptably high percentage of Nigerian families are in trouble.

Too Many children live in poverty, while many more are out of school and some in broken

Homes. Most mothers work outside the home, often because of economic needs.

Consequently, many children are left for the care of house-helps, or left at home, to destitute

around without parents, and with neighbor who abuse alcohol or other drugs, engage in crime

and other kinds of abuse as well.

Children whose families fail to provide adequate supervision are more likely to become anti-

social, lacking proper role models. These children develop their own norms based largely on

their desires. While they are the first victims of the deterioration of family life, society suffers as

well.

Strengthening the ability of families to rear and nurture children must become and remain a

National priority.

The influence of the family impact on the child’s social development last a lifetime. Accordingly,

effective drugs abuse prevention education must be involved in the family and incorporate with

other teaching of effective family values to children.

Values are personal and they do differ from culture to culture and from family to family.

Families without strong moral values deny their children reasonable opportunities of

developing skills and abilities to face challenges of the modern times. People in healthy families

are neither ashamed of their believes. They stick to their values because they know what they

stand for and willing to be counted and quoted for.

Children from such families are able to move into the society and do what are right, not just,

What everyone else says they should do? The more open and sincere discussions are hold in

homes about values, the more such values are to be appreciated and respected. The more

decision are made on, not on what is the easiest, fastest or cheapest; but on what are

reasonably and ought to be done as the best, the more children will develop a higher sense of

moral behavior.

Apart from the moral responsibility to develop core values for a drug free home and society as

well, parents have an additional responsibility to discuss and clarify such values to their

A child, developing an adequate family value requires the active participation of all members

of the family, Parents as leaders of the family, should from the beginning defined clearly, ways

on how their children should shun drugs abuse, since the home is the safest place for the child

to decide firmly against the use and possession of drugs, the highest value standard is mostly

from the home.

In recent times, the quest for material gains, wealth and all the luxuries that life offers have

robbed parent the opportunity of training their children to be drug free. This is one of the

greatest problems of our present day society. The home automatically becomes unsafe for a

Drug free life, if parent have little or no time for the children. Without proper supervision, they

can easily get along with all kinds of friends, and if proper cares is not taken they yield to the

Seemingly irresistible force of peer group pressure alluring them to drug abuse. Such children

usually derail from the set family values.

A drug free home is the foundation for a drug free society outside the home (school recreation

Centers, neighborhood blocks); children are easily exposed to the extraneous influences that

could lead them into drug abuse. For example, in the school, children have access to friends

Fund, time, alcohol etc. therefore, if the family values are not fully internalized, they are more

Likely to accept the values of their peers. It is in the home that the moral stamina to “say no to

Drugs” offered by friend and peers; stamina to withstand the deceptive media propaganda

mounted by tobacco and alcohol companies, stamina makes positive contribution to a healthy

society.

As you teach your children basic family rules, keep in mind the following principles:

a. Parenthood is a shared responsibility to you and your spouse as a united family. This

statement is a true-fact when it comes to teaching the children about drugs, its

symptoms and dangers. Together, both parent should formulate and develop family

rules concerning possession and use of drugs and other abusive substances. When both

Parents agree on acceptable values as much as possible, and then the family and society will

Be more stable.

b. Parent should not drive their children or put them on the spot; but lead them along, by

giving them knowledge on what to do, as their minds are prepared to receive.

Behavior that a child learnt by example influences his or her behavior for the rest of his

or her life.

Parent has the power to influence them through each succeeding stage of life and

development, through their efforts, children may modify into good or bad example, but

these depend mostly often on examples they observed in their homes as much as

possible, parent should use the power of example and to be consistent with such

examples.

c. The single biggest deterrent to substance abuse is communication, simply talking with

children about drug, you may find this impossible unless you built a foundation of doing

things with them; by getting involved in their school work, sports and daily activities etc.

in communicating with the children, you should not dominate the talking. You will talk

to the children better if you take some time to listen to them, you may discover the

power you have to save them. Listening to the child will help you answer his or her

question better in the things he or she sees in the world and in their feeling about drug

use and possession.

d. The emotional climate in the home creates either a positive or a negative learning

environment. Often times, the most effective teaching and circumstances, when the

feeling is right and when the climate in a relationship is cordial. Always strive to pass the

right judgment on children and offer correction when and where necessary.

e. “Because” cannot always be the Answer to your child questions, Children naturally are

 Inquisitive, it’s usually because they want to understand something, regardless of their age,

 It’s important that when setting forth the rules and expectation in our homes, our children

 needs to understand the reasons for such rules, cause that will make them happy when they follow

the house rules and do what they were asked of, avoid using the term “Because I said so” as

 Only adds to the child’s frustration and confusion, when they question “why?” or “why not?”

It’s best to directly and honestly and clearly states your reasoning, “example I asked your child to stay out of drugs and friends who abuse drugs, be consistent, be firm and be clear and educate him or her about the dangers of drug abuse and their consequence.

Though your child may challenge you by asking your reasoning why such rules in the first place, it also shows their growth as an individual thinker so try not to get angry or frustrated when they do so, just realize that it’s their own way of understanding their world around them.

f. Always control your Anger, don’t let it control you, Anger can be very paralyzing and a debilitating condition, and also a terrifying and degrading experience for the child if you are taking your anger out on them.

Physical and verbal abuse of a child can have lasting and lethal implications, so it important as parent, you should do whatever necessary to get your anger in check. Studies so far have shown that children whose mothers often express anger are more likely to be difficult to discipline.

Parent are advice to identify problems that angers them and address them within and always remind yourself that you are the one in control of your anger and don’t let your anger control you, put yourself in time out and take a deep breath and walk away, do whatever you have to in order to get a grip on yourself before addressing the situation if you feel that your anger is coming in strong.

g. Adopt Do as I say and as I do policy in your homes, children learn to imitate at a very young age.

Its how they learn to behave, care for themselves, develop new skills and communicate with others, from their earliest stage they watch closely the pattern behavior of own parents and form a permanent images which will shape their attitudes and actions for the rest of their life.

It is very important for parents to be responsible, consistent and loving with your child.  Very important that one take good of himself thereby teaching the child by example that taking care of yourself helps you to take to take care of them and the rest of the family, it is a very important step in teaching your child a self esteem and also very important to nurture your relationship with your spouse.

 Let your child see you communicate in positive and healthy manner with one another so your child can begin to learn early on what a healthy marriage should be like, with that you will likely see your child patterning many of his behaviors after your own.

So make sure that what you say and do around your child will help build a strong sense of security and self esteem around your child

Thank you everyone for listening to my message of hope and goodwill for good parenting, for a better drug free Homes and the society as well.